What's With All the Potholes?

A dear and beloved relative of mine has been in the hospital since I last posted. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to stay on track most days because he has been requiring 24 hour care. I'm really down right now and haven't made the best food choices these last few days; my life has been completely turned upside down and inside out. I'm sick of this yo-yo dieting and I'm sick of having no control over the circumstances in my life. I want to do E2L and I need to do it. I need to do this for myself. For too long, I've allowed others to dictate how I live my life. Now, I've got to step up and do this for myself!

Is the Road Smoother Ahead?

Because this rocky ride is causing me to fall off the wagon! I hadn't anticipated spending the entire day (I'm talking about 10 hours, give or take) at the waterpark and did not pack enough food. Starving, I succumbed to temptation and ate fries.

I was caught with my pants down, as Kim and Rory would say, much to the upset of all three of us. I now find myself fighting off the evil nut butter, maple syrup, cereal bar demon. I've called for Mary McDougall to come to my rescue. Is she a match for this heinous creature?

I've made a list of ten core foods I'd like to stick with for the next ten days, and no cheating even on my birthday. Spices are not included, but salsa is:

1. White potatoes (with skin)
2. Sweet potatoes (with skin)
3. Broccoli
4. Lettuce
5. String beans
6. Salsa
7. Oranges
8. Onions
9. Mushrooms
10. Carrots

Let's see if Mrs. McD can fill up any of these potholes.

Chocoholics Anonymous

Since I was in preschool, I can remember being called a chocoholic. I love chocolate. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate! Can I go without it? Yes, and have done so, but I decided to give the new CocoaVia bars a chance. Are they good? Well, they're okay, but that's not the point.

So, I bought a box today and didn't eat the entire thing. Um... that's not like me at all. I was walking home the grocery store and only ate one. It's good enough for me to eat more than one, but I didn't go for it right away. Later on, while munching on one, I set the bar down and didn't pick it back up. It's been at least an hour and I still haven't wanted to eat it. Crazy, yet wonderful - I think I'm making progress! ::knocks on wood:: : )

Water, Water Everywhere

Today has been (And hopefully will continue to be) another good day, food-wise. I ate a ton of kidney beans today, a pound of frozen veggies, more baby carrots, and a big salad is planned for dinner.

I think I went a little overboard with the beans (Something I always seem to do!), which may have been a bad choice; I'm going to a waterpark tomorrow and don't want to be bloated! It's my first time going swimming in years and I'm a bit anxious about it. I'm going to try drinking a lot of water and walk around a lot in hopes that I can keep any bloating at bay.

I think I lost any water weight I was retaining from before; the scale says I lost three pounds. ::sigh:: Must I change the ticker again?! LOL!

What I Want, I'll Get!

The first time I read the book Skinny Bitch, I fell in love. It keeps me down to earth and makes me feel like I can achieve my health and weight loss goals - I can control my life and eating. One thing the book mentions is positive affirmations, which I really believe work. For a few weeks after reading the book, I told myself that "Everyday, in everyway, my hips are getting smaller," and etc. My clothes starting fitting better and I felt better about myself, so I don't care how it worked! It worked! I'm trying to get back into that positive way of thinking about my body.

My life isn't really going the way I'd like right now. There are a lot of things I want that I just don't have or can't have (As is the case with everyone!). There are so many things in my life that I should have control over, but I don't. So, everyday, I now write out what I want, what I will allow myself to do, what I will resign myself to do - I will allow myself to care for myself; I will allow myself to care about myself. I resign myself to care for myself. I resign myself to care about myself.

I'm really anxious to see if my local library carries the books recommended by badyoga. I think that they'll help me out a lot, especially in addition to Skinny Bitch (Which is my current bible. LOL!).

Here's what I ate today:
Two baked potatoes
A pound of cooked veggies
Baby carrots
Green tea

And, you know what? I am satisfied! Food is not a big deal! It's just food and I didn't die because I didn't follow a certain plan to the letter or even attempt to. Honestly, I don't think I could have come to this realization without all of you leaving me encouragement and advice. It's helps to just have a "Rosy Plan." Thanks, everyone!

BTW, I did have to change my ticker. Ah, well! What can I do but keep thinking positively? :)

My Archenemy: Beans

I know that I have to eat at least one cup of beans on E2L, but I'm struggling. I love beans so much, so I eat TONS. I consume can after can after can! I've just used up my last three cans of no salt added kidney beans to make some dip and, once the dip is gone, I'm taking a bean sabbatical. I'm not making them completely off-limits, I just think we need a "break." The beans are smothering me, and while I love them so, perhaps we need some time apart.

I think what's helping me to stay on doing an E2L-type diet is being less uptight about it. If I don't eat my cooked veggies, I don't eat them. It's not like I ate extra starchy veggies or nuts/seeds in their place, so why should I care? I'm just naturally drawn to the core E2L foods.

A big thank you to Nicole and anonymous who left encouraging comments yesterday. I really need all of them I can get!

All Around the Dietary Bush, Fuhrman Chases Rosy

::sigh:: I keep going back to wanting to do E2L, and perhaps that's a good thing. I'm actually craving core E2L foods.

I really do have to laugh at myself, because I'm being so ridiculous about this whole food situation! As Nicole says, it's just food. What's better? Having acne (Yep, it's coming back now that I've been off E2L!) and being fat or being thin with beautiful skin? I'm gonna go with the latter!

Tomorrow's a brand new day, but I decided: Why wait to until tomorrow? Start today! So, I didn't finish my can of kidney beans just because they were there and hopped on the treadmill for a 30-minute jog! :D

Update

So, since I've last updated I spent time volunteering at a camp for special needs children. The only thing I could eat was beans and iceberg lettuce! Ugh! I had corn chips and other non-E2L things and am struggling (Once again!) to get back on track.

I'm really questioning whether or not I'm ready to do E2L . I think about food all of the time when I'm on a "diet." It's an emotional thing, not a hunger thing. I know I'm a food addict. If I could just eat one meal a day, I'd be fine. I'm fine during breakfast, but the binging starts once I hit lunch. And I binge late at night as well.

At this point, I'm really considering going back to the way I ate to lose the bulk of my weight. I ate cereal, fruits, and vegetables. It's something that's doable and sustainable for me. The only reason I was eating that way was because it was cheap, satisfying and convenient. I didn't have cravings or have the emotional desire to eat anything else; I had just become vegan and still had my [soy]milk and cereal as a SAD comfort.

I'd like to try eating this way again. I think I'll just modify it a bit so that it's as nutrient dense as possible. I recently bought a blender on sale (Specifically made for smoothies), so I'll definitely be drinking a lot of blended salads.

I'd love for people to weigh-in with their thoughts!